Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Sewing a couch

If you guys are looking for me.... I'm sewing purgatory, earning my way to a slipcovered couch.
I'm excited about it. And I'm also very ready to be done with it.
So I'm gonna get back to the grind and talk to you more later.

But here is our huge arm chair I finished first.

Bought it for $25, (it's crazy comfy.) And I spent about $25 on material. (I'm using drop cloths.)
Not bad.
Not bad.

This room is taking on a new vibe.

Sunday, September 10, 2017

Halloween came early at our house this year.

I've noticed something about myself. Holidays can get me in a panick. And one of my responses to  stress is completely blocking out the issue. Which in the case of holidays, back fires pretty badly. Since I need to get it together and do them for the kids, but I would block it out until crunch time, and then the stress was even higher.

This year I'm going a different route. Early planning and early arranging.
And guys...this is a game changer. Holiday stress is  at an all time low. Because there is no ticking clock yelling at me, everything  feels chill.

At the beginning of the week I told the kids that by the weekend they need to decide what they want to be for Halloween. And then we would go shopping for it.
I had it in my head that I would be sewing their costumes again. But Yesterday, I decided to check Goodwill before we hit the fabric store. I really had very little faith we'd find what we needed there, but actually we scored big time.

Guys, now is a PERFECT time to get costumes st Goodwill! The racks are stuffed full of options.(Kids and adult sizes.)

We went into the store looking for a witch costume for Jasmine. A Queen Doom (the evil queen from the non-hit kids movie "Princess Twins of Legendale") for Ruby. And a general idea that Bronny might like to be a dinosaur or something.

I was most concerned with getting Queen Doom right. I had no idea how to sew her stuff. Here the best screen capture I could get from the film.

Shockingly we found something perfect at Goodwill. It's way too long, but an easy hem will do it. Maybe a bit of sleeve magic too.

Jasmine tried on lots of witch things and chose the middle outfit. She decided that her witch should have  fairy wings...not sure how the cape will work with that, but whatever. She's thrilled.

And we even found Bronny a dinosaur outfit! (The wings are there for Ruby. Just for dress up in general.) So far he enjoys holding the costume and saying "Rrrraaaarrrr." But won't put it on yet. But we have 51 days to get used to it!

Oh yeah I forgot Jasmine's adorable witch hat headband we found. It's SO cute on her!

We came home and washed it all (besides the hat (which was actually brand new)) on delicate and air dried, and they came out great!

So yeah. I got all that and the Halloween buckets (not pictured) for $29.

I feel very thrilled with both the price (the first costume I googled for a "Doom" like idea was $30) and the convenience--  I'm  pretty pumped about not having to construct the outfits myself! 
Plus it was fun to let the girls try on all the fun options and come to their own decisions.

Plus, I don't always think this way, but I think it's good to consider, the actual benefits of all the Halloween costumes that won't go into a landfill when kids reuse them.

Save money, help the planet, have fun. Good stuff.

I also cannot convey how nice it is to know everything is done and ready WAY ahead of time. Holiday Stress free for 51 days is currently on my calendar. I could get used to this.

I figured I'd let you all in on this level of magic, in case you want to take advantage yourself.

Friday, August 25, 2017

Where I've been, Where I am

Thank you each for your responses.

I’ve been really very busy this month: Starting school (teaching two at home this year -- first time for me), Blake and my 10 year wedding anniversary (!!WHAT?!?) , traveling to see the total solar eclipse in totallity (that was one of the MOST amazing things I have ever experienced!) 
Just saw this Eclipse! Super sweaty and sandy because Bronny fell in the  river bank while throwing sticks.
, house projects, and now prepping to host a lady’s get together coming right up.

But, as I’ve been up to those things, I’ve really been mulling over your responses, and my own feelings about the blog.

I think the single biggest issue for me has been that sharing grief thoughts on the blog, has not the same as sharing other vulnerable issues on the blog. Mainly I think, because well--- the other issues I’ve shared, while they made bleed through to other people’s lives, were/are mainly just my own personal things to deal with. But grief belongs to anyone who cared about the person who is gone.
     Something I didn’t anticipate about grief was the concept of people’s response to my response. It’s at a different level than normal events. And I haven’t been equipped to manage that. So I decided to grieve offline. And that’s been really healthy.
   In pulling back there, I found more connection to people in person. And that’s been wonderful.
    And in pulling back in one area of my online persona, I found myself realizing that I’m not really equipped to manage people’s response to much of anything I put online, so I found myself wanting to pull back in many areas to a more offline life. (If you are Facebook friends of my personal page, or follow my Instagram account, I’m sure you have noted a very steep decline in my posts.)
     And when I did that I felt so very free, and so much happier. And so much more alive. Because I was living; not living to have something to post. I stopped having so many over-analyzing thoughts. I stopped watching my kids for things I can post about -- I just started being with them, and liking what I like because I liked it (or feeling free to dislike something without maneuvering anyone’s response to that -- no figuring out how to get camaraderie comments or bolstering myself to withstand the “it goes so fast” internet speach.) I stopped wondering if I was wrong so often; because I wasn't thinking about how someone else would think about what I was doing. I started relaxing. I started enjoying.
(Clarity disclaimer -- I don’t mean I’m operating this way at 100% by any means -- just that it’s improving. And it all didn’t happen overnight -- I’ve been pulled back for quite some time now. It’s been a slow build, but one that I am very happy with.)

That freedom really got into my veins and it’s been hard to decide how to proceed with anything online.
I really love blogging. So I’m not writing a goodbye post right now. I’m just writing an explanation of where I am at.
I love that you guys feel connected to me, and that we are friends, and we care about each other. And I’m sorry if it leaves you out -- the way I am working through this stuff. But I’m sure you can be glad for the progress I am making.

As I mull over the blog I keep coming back to the fact that I have been very real with it, and I think that’s why you are here. And so it’s been hard... the fact that my current real is much more pulled back.  Because that feels less real. But as I type to day I’m realizing that this quiet is actually very authentic and even a form of vulnerability.

I think that’s really all that’s been holding me back -- is my own lack of seeing my quietness as a form of authenticity, and another way of being vulnerable and real -- because overarchingly, I am a quiet person. I have lots and lots of thoughts, but generally, I mull them over inside and I’m not always ready to say them in tons of situations. And it’s taken me YEARS to lean into the idea that, my quietness isn’t wrong, or bad, or offensive, or…or…or…
That’s it’s a very ok part of how I am made.

So as for the blog...I think I just have to come to terms with that. And be ok with it myself. That it’s been a quiet time for even this “less quiet looking” space of mine. And not let that freak me out and stop me from saying ANYTHING. Because I have things still to say. I may just need some time before I say them.

But that said -- I have a bunch of things to say coming up. I have to find time to say it -- or take pictures of it. Like I said -- I’m working on my new normal in our day to day lives (homeschooling two and a two year old needs to be kept busy durning that!) So as I get settled and used to life again I’ll start showing and telling again.

Thanks for liking who I am guys! No matter which random direction(s) I’ve taken this blog. Thanks for sticking with me.

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Ask the Audience

Hey Guys,

Sorry I’ve kinda fallen off the blogging wagon.
Partially I’ve just been hunkered down with time consuming decisions (this year’s home school curriculum and various life-routines I want to get going so I can function as a homeschool mom and not let the other things fall to the wayside are my current biggies.)

But I also just feel so very introverted lately. I’m really mulling everything over, deep inside, and just not really even at a point to pull words out of me yet. Still grieving, still pulling my way through the changes therein. I just feel totally baffled about blogging since my brother died. I just can’t put my finger on my “why” of blogging. And I just can’t totally understand what’s of value, and what’s not anymore -- and if I don’t think I have something of value to say, I usually don’t feel like saying it. So I’m kinda stumped all the time when I go to blog.

I often wonder if anything that resonates with me, resonates with anyone else.
     Because, you know, honestly, I don’t need it to. I’m very ok with forging my own way and digging deep alone. I’m gonna keep learning and growing where I want to and need to no matter if anyone’s interested or not. But the question comes up when it comes time to blogging, and spending time typing stuff up.
Lately I have a really hard time not feeling like everything in my mind only applies to me, and so why bother sharing it. (That’s a common feeling for me -- for instance it even came up at my griefshare class --- where the point was to share our grief. But I often let myself feel like my grief only applied to me (as many in the class were grieving husbands, or other family members in more standard, still-connected-relationships, than I had with my brother whom I hadn’t seen for YEARS before he died.) So in the class, I did a similar thing where I just left my thoughts inside for only myself to hear --- why bother someone else with it when it’s totally inapplicable to them?

Generally speaking, I got dealt a very uncommon hand in life, with not just one, but lots of cards many people never have to play, so my go-to is to suck it up and independently deal with it. Because a lot of time people seriously have no clue how to help, so I don’t know how to ask for anything that will get me anywhere. So I’ve begun to think it’s more efficient to be self-sufficient. (It is, but it’s lonely and EXHAUSTING.) (And I’m working really hard on letting people in, but I’ve been doing that more so in person than online, because online has all the extra complications, and no guaranteed personal connection.)

So yeah, I think that’s got something to do with my lack of blogging. I used to use my blog as the one safe place to share this stuff, but I think these days, I’m overly cautious and basically I don’t know if anyone wants to hear anything I have to say. Lately, no matter which angle I take with the blog, I feel kinda wrong for sharing it.
I do try to remember back to that wonderful time, when I asked you guys why you read my blog and was really amazed and totally intrigued by the surprising-to-me answers you gave. I try to use that time as a reason to blog. But I’m feeling extra sensitive lately. And I’m just really nervous to be open, that I could be hurt by doing so. (This clearly has to do with my internal workings, not something you guys did.) And if I’m not feeling nervous to be open, I feel kinda apathetic about it. “Why bother, this affects no one but me?” And if I’m not either of those, I feel defensive, “Why share this, it will only give people room to judge me?” (To be clear, I’ve never read a judgmental comment form anyone on here, my paranoia is getting to me.)

This probably is a combo affect from grief and the DEEP digging of counseling, which is making more come to the surface and be “hearable” by me, instead of just quiet background noise I got used to and ignored. (I’m told this is the hardest part and that it’s worth it because then it goes away. But MAN this feel heavy.) (Crazy thing is, it’s not any heavier than it ever was, I just know it’s there now and that I CAN take it off eventually, whereas before I  accepted it as part of being alive.)

Anyway, that’s where I’m at.
So sorry for the lack of communication. I’m not ignoring you guys. I think about you all the time. And anyone who’s ever reached out to me personally because of this blog, I remember you and hold you sweetly in my heart, and I pull you up from my heart to carefully hold you and hope for you. If you reached out to me I took it very seriously and reverently, and really treasure that connection.

If you guys felt like commenting about what you might want to hear from me, I might feel more confident in going forward.
Apparently I’m not that scared of vulnerability, as I have no qualms about putting photos of myself with no makeup and messy hair on here. (Sometimes makeup and hair just isn’t on my to do list.)

  • Do you want to see more of the decorating I’ve been doing? (If so, does it matter to you if I take the photos with my phone or the fancy camera?) (I got so little feedback after getting the backyard photographed I almost felt like the fancy camera was a turn off.)
  • Were you intrigued by the Minimalism stuff? (Cause I was planning on going through room by room, then chickened out, thinking it’s not interesting to anyone but me.)
  • Do you have any interest in food allergy meals/ food stuff in general? (I just did a month’s worth of freezer meals to prep for school -- which I was pretty proud of all the adaptions I had to make to get this to fit our situation.)
  • Do any of you have any interest in homeschool stuff?
  • What about more of these home routines I’ve been working on (like my cleaning schedule, or other habits?)
  • Do you like when I give book suggestions?
  • Do you like seeing sewing projects? (I just made some pillow covers, and am adding decorative trim to some throw blankets.)
  • More clothes thought? (That last post got good conversation going.)
  • Would you guys like my tips on thrifting/craigslist/design-on-a-dime type stuff?
  • Do you enjoy being included in some of my more personal thoughts, like grief? Or would you honestly just prefer to skip that? (Don’t feel bad -- I usually can’t read much of other people’s grief because I can’t carry it all.) 
  • Is there something/anything else you are hoping for, that you think I have in me?

Would you like it if I upped the quality on my photography? Would that feel inspiring? Or does that feel like I’m moving over to that unattainable -instagram-faux-life-advertising camp?

I’m so back and forth about this right now. Part of me knows this isn’t a good time for me to really push with my blog because I’m deep inside some stuff, and I’m really needing to commit to my kids currently. But another part of me wants to do something just for me and kinda push myself.

In my pretend world I keep making my blog into something lovely and moving. (Obviously in my real life I leave the blog unattended for weeks at at time.)

I watched someone’s motivational online class about really using instagram well. And I thought, “I could do that!”And that left me trying to decide what I have to bring to the table.
The main thing I could come up with is something along the lines of "affordable, sustainable luxury” AKA living a life that feels luxurious (beautiful) but done with mainly thrift stores, craigslist and wise spending. I feel like that sums up my general" stuff concept.” I think I could put effort into making it instagram cool. But would people care? And if I were ever hoping to really make anything of my blog as some sort of career…how on earth could that happen with that as my focus? It’s not like there are affiliate links to “this thing I found at ReStore and painted.”

And then I think, "Lydia, settle down, and focus on doing the dishes and attempt to get up early tomorrow! Just do that much. (And order more curriculum you decided would fill in that gap, quick before you NEED it. And order the cabinet you need to finish that other project. And…and…and…what blog?)"


I’d love another heavy commenting here. I just kinda need some reassurance to keep typing.

Thursday, July 20, 2017

DYI Shorts -- The only time I’ve ever liked shorts

Sorry for the long absence, we just made it through “Birthday Season” over here -- our 3 kiddos all have birthdays within two weeks of eachother. So I’ve been celebrating, and visiting, and such. Then recovering. Then visiting with more family for part of their vacation, which was nice.

But I’m back and today I would like to show you an update to my wardrobe.
Today I’m talking about shorts. Which have always been tricky for me, ever since puberty. For some reason shorts seem even harder than pants (which seem hard.)

This spring when it turned hot over night I quickly grabbed a pair of jean shorts from Old Navy because I am starting from scratch for shorts due to size shifting so I needed SOMETHING for the heat.
Those shorts were pretty decent, especially considering I have never been able to find correct fitting shorts.  But these shorts did what I thought every pair of shorts did on me -- bunch up between my legs when I so much as move. I pretended I was ok with this and that it looked ok, because what else could I really do? (However, if I ever looked in the mirror after walking across a room, especially if I looked at my butt….crylaugh-emoji…not so good.) But like I said -- that’s just what shorts do on me! 

I thought!!

Well, not anymore! I figured it out. There IS something I can do!

I currently have 4 pairs of fantastic fitting shorts in my possession. 

The secret?
They did not start out their life as shorts.

The magic is turning pants (or something longer than the shorts you want) into shorts. 

Why is this SO SPECIAL?

I find this new concept magical for two reasons.
      First and foremost, I don’t have the legs for short-shorts (both esthetically speaking IMO, but also in the functionality arena…the bunching) However…when at the stores, any shorts that I think look cute seem to be VERY short. So the shopping never goes well.
      Second of all, I’m an hourglass figure (Don’t leave yet, if that’s not your body shape -- this is applies if you keep your shape in mind), and as far as I can tell shorts seem to focus less on different body shapes options than jeans do. Meaning I can find curvy jeans. I cannot find curvy shorts. 
It seems to me that shorts creators mainly make rectangle shaped shorts. Which might be fine for some/many people. But so not fine for me.
In the instance of my Old Navy shorts they are quite roomy in the waist for me, and snugged on my thighs. Which only amplifies they bunching up problem. Because the waist has no say in holding things, as the legs are forced up as I walk.

It finally all came together for me as I realized pants have many different cuts and I could take advantage of that. (So if you aren’t a hour glass shape, but you have shorts issues, just take the concept of buying pants that fit your waist/butt/legs and making them into shorts. And then this idea works for you too.) And I also got excited realizing, if I do that, I control the exact length. (Which at 5’3” …length of everything is often tricky because regular length is always made for someone taller than me, but petite sometimes doesn’t hit right either….so custom is delightful.)

So, if you know me, then you know I started by thrifting.
(You can do this with new pants too.)

Actually that’s not true, I started by planning. I looked at Emily Henderson’s recent summer wardrobe post, a lot of un-fancy’s outfits, and Lauren McBride’s Instagram for inspiration. None of these lady’s are “my style” exactly, but I really enjoy them and their looks, and they inspire me. And as I’m still releaning my new style personality... I think, in a way, if I smashed their looks together I’d get something me. 
(By the way Emily Henderson is an interior designer/stylist -- and my number one source for learning how to design interiors, she is so generous with her knowledge, breaking down all the “science” of why things look good -- sooo awesome.)


First up, distressed Levi jean shorts. These started life as Levi jeans.
These were as close of a copy as I could muster to the Levi long jean shorts Emily has and loves, as I could muster. I was very happy to actually find Levis for this, and ones that fit me very well. (Thrifting super win!)

 I didn’t like them as pants (which is good because otherwise I’d be torn on what to do.) But that’s the great thing, you don’t have to like them as pants, most of that will be removed. You just have to like the waist, butt, and top of the legs.

I gave these an 6” inseam. (You measure from the very middle of the crotch down one leg’s interior seam 6” and cut across.)
Before getting to 6”, I tried these out a few longer lengths first, just to be sure. This length on me is great. I can leave the legs down, as is, and have a “nearly Bermuda” length (I can’t ever feel right in true bermuda -- it’s not for me, I look shorter and rounder.) But I can also cuff up the legs up and get a “short short” vibe without it being short at all. 
And this length, when paired with correct fit, really help the legs not bunch.

And then looked at Emily’s levi short’s online photos and did my best to distress them similarly. And I really like how they turned out.

To disstress, I watched a couple youtubes and proceeded to take a razor blade to slice horizontally, the top and bottom of the patch area desired, then take a tweezer and pill out the blue vertical strings and you get these patches. Washing also helps finish the look.

Here are a couple photos of my Old Navy shorts on top of my new Levi DIY shorts. In the first you can see the difference in inseam length. It may not look all that much longer, but it really is significant when on your body.
The next shows (maybe not well, but I tried) how the waist is more tapered on the DIY Levis (the top pair) than the Old Navy (the bottom pair.)

Then, based on those ladies’ photos, I decided I also needed white shorts. I’ve actually never had white shorts or pants. So I was excited about trying them out. However I remain skeptical about practicality, (despite them being able to pull them off with kids, well Emily and Lauren anyway) but yeah I really did want to thrift these, incase they immediately get pelted with ketchup.
 I found these white capris.
 As capris these made me look terrible. (I looked shorter and heavier in capris.)

But hack them into shorts and problem solved. Now they are really quite cute.
I actually went ahead and removed the front pockets because I felt like you could see them too much through the legs. To do that I sewed directly over the two seams of the pocket opening to seal them closed, and then on the inside very carefully cut the pockets out along that seam.
I wanted these to be less distressed, so after I cut these to have a 5 inch inseam (6 seemed too long on the white for whatever reason. Customization keeps on winning) I sewed a straight stitch around the leg opening and then washed them to fray. That seam will keep the fraying from getting any longer than where the seam is placed. I trimmed the longer frays off for these.

So then it was like “Yeah, since now I’m gonna have white shorts, lets try black too.” I wasn’t sure I’d like black shorts (despite loving black pants) because once I tried on too-short black shorts and the color contrast between my legs and the black really over emphasized skin flaws (ehh hemmm cellulite looked fierce.)
But, like I’m learning, when you are calling the shots you can make this stuff work out.

I found these Merona bootcut black denim, still new with tags. But I have a feeling they are dated because the style.
Now these are interesting because they are clearly made for a curvy person, the waist is small and the legs are wide, however the zipper is just barely long enough to get that small waist up over my full hips. Once they are on, they feel fabulous, but bathroom trips always have a small bout of emotional-ness. I think it’s worth it. But I can see why they didn’t get worn by original buyer.

I gave these a 5 inch inseam as well. I gave these that same straight stitch around the legs and washed to fray and trimmed the longer strings off.

(This looks weird because this shirt is really long in the back and I’m holding it up.)

Ok and now for my controversial shorts.
I bought these beauties.  ;)  Because I have weird love of vintage and different and felt like I could do something with these.

I cut a few inches off (sorry I didn’t measure on these.) And did an official hem -- folded twice, ironed and sewed. Then with what I cut off, I pieced together enough to make a belt.

Now I personally really enjoy these. I think they are dorky chic. And I LOVE the super roomy legs.
But I can tell people don’t quite know what to think when they see me in them.
I’ve gotten one compliment when wearing them.
 But mostly I get an elongated look at the pleats in the first moments of walking into the room, usually followed by a contemplative look.
So I’m not sure anyone is sure about them.
But that’s ok.
I like them.

I’m not claiming model status with ANY of these shorts. But I am claiming happy status! :)

So yeah. Those are my shorts.
All customized by me.

And you too can do this.
Some of these required zero sewing skills.
The rest are very minimal.

Overall I believe I spend $20 - $25 to get 4 pairs of shorts that fit REALLY nicely.
None of them wedge up.
The denim, black and white do slide up my legs a little bit, sometimes. But not all the time. And when when they do -- and I look at my butt in the mirror, it requires no emoji at all because it looks totally normal. Maybe a smile, because for the first time in my life I don’t look hilarious digging my shorts out of my crotch every 5 steps.
Definitely worth more the $25.

Monday, July 3, 2017

Backyard Secrets Revealed

Our backyard has a secret world. 

I’m so excited about this part of our yard. And I’m so excited to show you it!
In fact I made a video to walk you around and let you experience it, since photos don’t really convey it as well.
If you remember, last August I walked you around our very different backyard, for a video tour. I HIGHLY recommend going back to watch those! (There are actually two. One after the deck, and one after the dig.) The difference is outrageous! I forgot how bad it used to be. It hurt to look back and see it again. Yikes! (Man that was a lot of work!... Mainly done by Blake!)
In the old videos you also get to hear some of my plans being talked out in the videos, some came to be, some did not.

But here is our yard today! 
In the video you get to see the whole yard, but the extra fun is seeing our hidden world, and how to get to it.

Now for some stills that I’ll type you through. (But the video is better for this.)

So see these evergreens?

I always felt like they were special, because they really add some magic to the yard. They make it feel much more private and nature-y than our yard would otherwise feel in a neighborhood with houses around.
So I was always fond of them. But this spring I went on a landscape cleanup spree and I cleaned out all the dead branches that were back in those evergreens.

Blake was out of town on a work trip... and what happens when you leave me alone with my imagination? I create worlds. 
After the trees were free of the endless pokey leafless branches, there was suddenly 4 distinct nooks back in these trees.

The kids already went back there sometimes. And it was a cool novelty, which we called the hideout or hideaway. But there wasn’t much to do but walk back there. 
However once it was cleared out, and I walked it over and over carrying the branches, I started seeing (and smelling the fresh earthy piney scent of) a fairy land.

Before you know it I had gone "Pinterest shopping", applied my hopes and dreams and constraints, and had drawn up plans. Blake came home to a very excited Lydia, who had some strong hopes for this yard.

(It should be noted, that right before he left he worked really hard to get our two side fences back into place so that we could play in the backyard with out Bronny constantly trying to run away. And so even without the fairy land ideas, the back yard was suddenly a very magic place to be.)

Well Blake being the amazing person that he is, just jumped right on board with me and turned my imaginations into reality.

He used pressure treated lumber and an old free pallet he found to create an “outdoor kitchen” (which is just a countertop and some muffin pans.)

 And a forest house. 
 We used every last inch of our biggest nook’s freespace by building around the branches that were left.

I used some of our Minwax stain in Walnut (that we have leftovers from our failed attempt to stain our floors.) And just rubbed the stain on. I wasn’t sure you could stain treated lumber but it worked fine for me!
Having the lumber stained darker makes it:
1) More magical, because the wood feels as old as time, like fairies built this and abandoned it.
2) Prettier because treated lumber isn’t pretty.
3) Invisible from the outside of the evergreens because it matches the bark and camouflages everything away.


Jasmine REALLY wanted a lantern for her house. And I found this one at Big Lots. The white part is plastic, but there is still glass in the windows. So far they have been very careful with it and I feel totally ok with them having it out there.

It turned out so cute. 
The kids love it.
And it’s so fun surprising our friends when they come over and discover a whole new world they never saw coming.

There are a couple more nooks I want to fill. I was hoping to find a big stump for a table and a couple small stumps for chairs. 
And maybe trying to make some kind of music area -- where there are wind chimes or something like that to play with. 

But for now we are all so happy with how our yard turned out.

It’s SO fun to add this bit of magic and LOADS of imagination.

Hope you guys enjoyed the tour!
I had a lot of fun showing you.

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Raised Garden Beds

Alright, so let’s talk about these garden beds.
This is a post for those of you who like to hear my brain tick away. 
These beds took A LOT of round and round and round, both in planning and executing.

You know me, I think very hard about things. And you’ve probably also picked up on me really wanting to get things right.

This is the story of all that inside this garden. It came out good, but the journey was bumpy.

We have a nice sized yard, but it’s not huge. And I didn’t want it to start feeling cramped and I wanted it to have lots of running space for the kids. So I really wanted to plan it right -- both in form and function.

When starting this gardening idea...I came up with about 14 different complete plans, at least, for how to get one in our yard and ruled them out for one reason or another.

I thought about wood raised beds (a lot) but they weren’t cheap, and they would have rot issues over time. And I didn’t feel great about using treated lumber for food growing, so I ruled that out.

For a couple unsupervised days I thought about making concrete beds. But when Blake came back into town, after that work trip, he told me that was not structurally sound. That was was a bummer because I was excited about that look.

After a lot of back and forth, I went with the galvanized stock tank option. It was cheaper than some lumber options (SOOOO MUCH cheaper than cedar!) and it was much more durable.

Now I had to really strain here for the visual. Pinterest has many depiction's of these tanks as gardens, but no one had really gone and painted them. (I found a couple but they were random -- like bronze, which didn’t help me “see” mine.) But it was pretty much just natural-silver visuals. 
Which is super cute in the right spot. But for my backyard it felt like a misstep to me. I just thought our house is more formal, and less farmy and I couldn’t find the line to ride to get that to connect together here.

I saw a couple bathtubs on Pinterest that were stock tanks painted and that was really the only thing I had to prove I wasn’t doing something ugly to myself. But those were smooth in the center, without the ridges mine have. And of course, I have to love the smooth ones a lot, because there is no easy way for me to get those to my house. So I was trying to convince myself these would work. It was kinda tense for me inside. Because this wasn’t a thift-store-makeover-price-tag, so I didn’t want to mess it up.

But we went for it. It really was the most rational option for us.

The other thing I thought way too hard about WHERE to put these.
My first thought had nothing to do with where they ended up. My first concept was to get a much longer single tank and have it parallel to the fence. The thinking being it would leave the yard more open and free for playing.

I spent about a week drawing that on paper, staring out the window squinting it into existence, walking the space, measuring the space, drawing it again. And I couldn’t get it to feel right. After enough of this, I also realized that, that location didn’t get a full day of sun, which most produce wants.

After enough Pinterest and head scratching, I decided that I would actually do best to have them just outside the patio. That area gets the most sun. And I decided it would do that designer suggestion of "trying to create rooms outside.” And it still leaves a lot of running space down the middle. (Our climber dome is moveable, so it floats around the yard.)
Once I had that idea, I knew it needed to be one big in the middle, flanked by two smaller.
I checked and our local Farm and Fleet store had 6x2x2 tanks and 4x2x2 tanks, and that became our solution.

When we got them home, I was doing my very normal move, of second guessing and over thinking my instincts. I thought maybe I should leave them silver, it was kind of stunning after all. And my fear was once you paint it, it’s painted forever -- so what if I was wrong!?!? 
So I was very nervous. I may never have made up my mind, but then the sun started shining on them and it was like staring into a mirror, aimed at the sun. And I thought “No one will want to be near the patio like this!” (Including inside the family room window!) So that made my mind up. I would paint them.

Next Blake drilled a bunch of holes in the bottom for drainage. And then I started painting. 
I had some Rustoleum Satin Black (in a quart, not a spray paint) and thought two things, 1) That I had enough paint, and 2) that satin was where it was at.

Well, I ran out of paint. And Blake was kind enough to go get me some more, only that store didn’t have satin, it had semigloss. I didn’t answer my phone so he brought it home.

I kinda pouted and got nervous, but decided to just use it so I could finish. (I got epic sunburn by the way -- I painted them out in the sun and they were reflecting tons of extra sun on me. And for some reason I didn’t think to use Sunscreen!) I covered them all with semigloss and then stood back. For about 30 seconds I was happy. And then all of a sudden I knew it wasn’t right. But for about a day I was trying to convince myself it was good -- “They started shiny, they should stay shiny," I kept telling myself. But it was just getting under my skin... like a pebble in your shoe on a hike. It had to be fixed before I lost my mind.
I did all sorts of googling of paint sheen options trying to see what to do. Because I was no longer sure about satin. 
There is some kind of small crowd fixation on painting cars flat black with spray paint cans? Who knew! But that really helped me see what I wanted.  So I bought flat black and crossed my fingers, because at this point I was VERY concerned that what I hated was the stock tanks themselves.

It was rainy, so we brought all three into the sunroom so I could fix them up and not wait on the weather.
(By the way, notice I did paint into the upper part of the inside, so that the interior would also be black)

Thankfully, as soon as it started drying my world started to feel right again. Flat black is what we need!

Here’s a picture illustrating the difference (I missed a spot and had to go back -- it’s hard to know what you’ve hit and haven’t when everything is the same color.)

So at this point I’m happy, and annoyed, because I keep yelling at myself in my head things like “How can someone paint something the same exact color three times in a row? Who does that!??”
I do!
But I am GLAD I did. That flat black is SOOO good. That semi-gloss (in this application) was SOOO bad.

And something I very much appreciate is that the flat black under-emphasises the middle ridges I wish weren’t there. Where as the semi-gloss was like florescent arrow pointing at them.

Ok, now they are painted.

Next frustrating thing. 
Getting them full of dirt.

I’m going to spare you (and me -- I don’t want to relive it all) the random things that tried to foil our plans of getting a lot of dirt. But the biggest one was delivery of dirt was booked up until July. And we needed to get stuff planted.

We debated ways to need less dirt, like false bottoms,pool noodles at the bottom etc. But we saw no cost savings, or any pros in our situation, so we just decided to get a LOT of dirt.

Finally Blake tracked down a u-hual pickup truck and brought it over to our Landscape Recycling Center and got two loads of dirt. And dumped them in our driveway. (To save time on the rental fee.)

Then after that he and the kids (they were so pumped! Of course their contribution was small, but they LOVED every second of it) filled wheel barrow, after wheel barrow and filled up the tanks. (While I silently fretted over the paint getting scraped off -- which did not happen! Yay!)

Awesome! We can have a garden now!
First time in adulthood, this is soo exciting.

BUT….umm…..I don’t know what I’m doing with plants. So now what?
Me being me, I REALLY want this to look pretty, not just grow some food. Especially now that I placed it front and center of the patio.

I stressed. I Pinterested. I brainstormed foods we would eat. And then I came up with a layout.
I’m pretty lucky this turned out, because I was really going on nothing but “pretty” I do not know about plants yet.

Case in point. I came home from Lowes with only seeds the day before Memorial Day, thinking I’d grow some tomatoes.
Come to find out (says the package and the internet) you have to start tomatoes before it’s warm out, inside, then transplant them.

Lydia is about to lose her mind now.  

"I seriously CANNOT keep messing this project up. I’m just never going to win this. What if I spent all this time and money getting this set up, and then the seeds don’t turn into anything, and I just have 3 black containers of dirt in my yard?!? This project was a HORRIBLE idea. I should never have tried to have a garden!!”

After trying to speak in rational sentences of discussing why I need to go get other plants that are already started with Blake, he talked me down and into trying again the next day.

So on Memorial Day I went to Walmart. I’ll tell you this -- their prices a much better than Lowes. 
Lowes packets of seeds all run around $2.50 a package (give or take -- each type has it’s own price.) At Walmart the same package was probably $1.75 ish. BUT They have some value brands that cost just $0.20 a package. 
So overall I was able to get started plants of cherry tomoatoes, regular tomatoes, 2 kinds of cucumbers and zucchini plus more seeds (And a random fern for the porch) and some marigolds for the same price as just seeds at Lowes. (I returned those.)

OK. Now I have a garden. 
I have some faith that at least the started plants will grow, even if the seeds don’t sprout.
(For some reason I was sure the would not.)
Ok now I’m also banking on getting the stuff in the middle bed to trellis up, since that’s the only way they will fit.
So I need a trellis.
You should be in no way surprised to hear this was also a very difficult thing to get right.
I kept looking online and finding something that looked good, and said was in stock in store and then find out it’s not. I handled it better than before, but I was still super bummed. FINALLY I found these trellises at Farm and Fleet. They are by far my favorite look of what I had seen AND they were on clearance for $14 each. 
So at last I’m starting to get that accomplished feeling!!

For tomato supports, I also went through the ringer on that one. Tried all sorts of things. Bought a few things and took them back because they didn’t look right. And I could not bring myself to use a regular tomato cage here. I tried it to start with and it looked pathetic in my “art garden.”

Finally I landed on sticks from my yard and twine. It looks good and right. But I’m not totally sure it’s going to cut it for support. I may need to add more, or redo it since the plants are getting so big, and I placed it when they were young. Or I’ll have to keep shopping for something else.
Like I said, I’m a newbie -- I have no clue how big these will get.

I added Marigolds to the front for a few reasons. 1) Looks 2) It’s supposed to be helpful for pollination 3) They are supposed to help keep away misquotes.

I choose yellow over orange because I’ve always liked yellow with black and I vaguely remembered vegetable flowers being yellow, so I thought it would coordinate.

I was really glad I added these because they really helped make the beds nice before the plants all grew in.

So yeah I got these planted on Memorial Day, and they have really shocked me with how fast the grow. It’s amazing!
Like I said last time  --- my delight is helping the cucumbers trellis each morning and evening. (They can change so much in a day!) I’ve gotten really good at understanding the plant and knowing when I can bend the vines and when they aren’t in that phase. And it blows my mind when it can find the next thing to grab all on it’s own. It’s such a fun past time for me.

So yeah, what else do I have out here?
In my first bed I have a cherry tomato plant on each side. 
Ruby, my middle daughter, especially loves cherry tomatoes I’m excited for these and her.
Between them is a bell pepper plant.
Through the middle I planted rainbow carrots. They should have orange carrots, white carrots and purple carrots in there. Pretty excited about that. And the girls love purple, so I’m hoping they will be excited about it. But you know, if you are gonna grow carrots, why not grow cool carrots?
The front, between the Marigolds is chives -- but those haven’t done very much -- so I’m not sure about them.


In the middle bed I have:
To the far left pickling cucumbers. Jasmine is hoping we can make our own pickles this year. I’m excited to try -- it’s another first.
Then some normal cucumbers.
Then zucchini.
Then string beans. 
So I read that zucchini would trellis but mine isn’t. I googled some more and I guess there are two kinds, and I must have gotten the mounding type. But I’ve just been shoving them into the trellis anyway and it’s doing pretty good -- so I’m calling it a victory for a newbie.

These beans are NOT trellising, so wrong kind again. Oh well.
Still looks pretty though.
And I’m letting some cucumbers grow over onto the other one to fill it in.
Honestly, now that they’ve grown to the top in some places, I’m not sure what they will do. I’ll find out! Maybe they will be able to climb back down?
In my third bed I have two regular tomato plants. I was hopping for Roma but couldn’t find those, so they are just some kind of big hybrid something.
In the center I planted two kinds of lettuce, but only this one grew -- and it took over, so I guess that’s fine.
In the back I planted flat leave parsley. I love making this one kind of “salsa” with it.
In the front I had chives again, but they are so scrawny.
Here come some tomatoes! It’s very exciting.

So my fears of this garden not working out (on repeat) were wrong.

Another lesson in mistakes are not failures, just lessons and motivation to get you where you want to be.

But yeah -- that’s my story of my seemingly endless up hill battle to get a garden that I love.
I forgot how hard it was until I started writing this. 
It really was exhausting.

But everyday since the plants have started growing has been so magical that I’ve just wiped it all away and go out and thrill over the plants.
I didn’t know I had a plant love in me. I thought I would just be tolerating them. But I’m a plant lady now. They really bring me joy and peace.
This garden is definitely a happy place.

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